Who, and why am I here?

About me
A son, a brother, a friend, an undergraduate working for a bank. Was lucky enough to get a job the moment I graduated.
Born in India to a Hindu couple, respect and believe in all religions. Not only that, offer prayers too.

Wondering why am I here and what and whom am I writing for?

2009 is the most beautiful, challenging and painful year in my life. Actually it all started in November 2008 when, I had to witness my parents fight very badly. That was the first time I have ever seen my parents fight that seriously and badly in their 27 years of married life. Those were the days when all the companies started laying off and I had to stay focused on my job to make sure I save my ass. And a very close friend of mine had a heartbreak and tried to take her life by self, few others with health problems. And me through all these had a big financial problem as a bonus in an unusual time. Struggled a lot to keep up with family affairs and job and supporting friends when needed. Had a minimum sleep for about 4-5 months. It was in those troubled times I met my love. With all my tension's and problems in life, I dint want her to come in my life when I was not sure if I can swim back to the shore or not. But still somehow managed to propose the most beautiful girl both from heart and looks. And to my fate I was accepted. I was at cloud 9, but was afraid that happiness would divert me from being focused on fighting my own problems.Slowly, by mid March things started to show a positive sign when my very good friend made a comeback by making a decision to marry and my parents coming to an understanding and me making some savings from my short term assignment at clients place. But may be the angle of bad luck and pain was having an eye on me. For no reason I yelled at my love and broke her heart and betrayed her. All for no reason at all. And now, when I try to call/text/mail her, I do not get any response. I don't even know how she is doing. And then, my pet died. I saw it dying, I felt its pain, but could not do anything apart from seeing it die. May be someone cursed me that I should experience a 100 times of the pain you went through when I .....

What am I doing here?

I am here to write about how I feel being a looser, a guy not worthy enough to keep up his relationship, a betrayer for absolutely no reason. I am going to write how close I feel her. Will write about how my heart and eyes cry every sleepless night, how lonely I feel even when in crowd. Will write to question the Almighty. Will write to inspire people who loose faith and will write about many other things that come up in my mind. I will write to applogize.

What ever I write I dedicate it to my love of this life. Meri Mallika, meri jaan(remember? this is how I call you)

I love you. will love you enough, that gives me ........

Law of attraction will one day make you read this blog for sure. Maqtub.